I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
