Tell her she can't have a vagina
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
