I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
