Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
