I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
