Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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