they need to just BURY HIM!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
