Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
