and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
