just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My pussy is not your playground.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
