thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
