i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
