Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
