I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
