She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
