$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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