Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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