yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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