i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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