Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
