Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Randomize
