My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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