I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
