HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
