I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
