he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize