If i come over, it means nothing
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
