I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
