I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
