I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
