I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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