Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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