i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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