got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
