Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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