My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
