Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
