if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
