walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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