my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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