I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
