I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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