and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
