I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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