Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
