My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
