So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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