I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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