babies were throwing up all over the place
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
