i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
